Unreal...

I feel kind of out of it and weird lately. I was going to study all day long, but I didn't. I did work out and take Toby for a walk, which he enjoyed, but that was about it.
My work is having a conference in Utah County on Saturday and I'm encouraged to go, but I'm not. I have so little time/motivation lately that I don't do anything on the weekends but study. Well I did have dinner with friends on Saturday, but not until like after 9:00. Sunday I fell asleep at like 10! I'm thinking sleeping in the afternoon might work better, but I doubt it.
Ugh. I'm just so tired lately. I think having a clean warm room would help-but no time for that either. I want tranquility and femininity and wealth, not of money, but of ideas and comfort.
Oh, I don't know what to say. Blah.

What's up with me???

So this has been an interesting week.
I've been accepted to two schools now, one in Olympia and one in Chicago. Yea!!!! I'm very excited but also twisty and nervous.
Part of the reason I'm nervous is that school is not going very well, largely because the bookstore has decided I don't really need my books after all. I barely passed my first anatomy test-52%-which I still think is pretty good for not reading the chapter.
Also, I really feel like I have no space. My dad bought me a space heater, which didn't really work, so I've lived outside of my room for a while now. I either don't have the time or the inclination to do anything about it.
I bought Toby some bath stuff, which is good because his face gets really dirty and stinky. It makes him smell really good but he's still really itchy everywhere else. Last night I kept waking up to him crying and trying to scratch himself. So I pick him up and try to comfort him, help him reach his tail, coax him back to sleep, etc. This happened three or four times throughout the night. So my alarm goes off at seven this morning and I decide I can sleep until seven-thirty. Besides I'm having a lovely nightmare about getting fired for breaking all the toys in the day-care, which also results in me getting excommunicated. Of course the next time I'm aware of the alarm going off, it's like 9:30, and so much for Sacrament Meeting. I end up sleeping in really late. This is what frustrates me. Apparently, of late, I have a complete lack of discipline.
I have been eating better, but for today, even if calorie wise I ate enough/not too much, it was totally horrible food. Which leads me to the thing that truly freaks me out-my skin. I have some sort of bizarre rash on my torso, so I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I have an inkling it might be stress related. But I feel scared-yes scared-that no one will believe me. Believe that I've been stressed out. Because I'm happy in general, but can't I still be stressed, overwhelmed, preoccupied? It seems like anytime I ever feel anything, it must be that I'm not eating enough, I have too much sugar, etc. My mind lately is either crammed full or nearly empty. I'm having a hard time spelling, focusing my eyes, thinking clearly. I feel so tired. I feel like this at the beginning of every year. Is it twisted Spring Fever? I don't get it. I just want someone to tell me it's okay, but who would it have to be in order for me to believe it?

Book Review-The Note by Kay Bognar

Miranda Jenkin's best friend is lost at sea. He was seen throwing a bottle overboard containing a note for her. Miranda finds herself becoming obsessed by her search for it.

I received this book as an early reviewer, and to be honest, was only mildly interested by the plot. I however found myself sucked in immediately and couldn't put it down. It is truly more interesting if you have just the slightest hint of what the book is about, although one wonders how successful the book will be with it's two-second teaser. Though the novel is written for young adults, the style of writing is somewhat old-fashioned, which I personally enjoyed. The only complaint I had was that the pacing seemed off. Some events take forever to describe, while others happen so fast that I read them twice to make sure I'd processed it. I hope enough people pick up this book to discover the weird and wonderful plot inside.

Individulaism Throughout The Ages

4. Greece had a strong individualist ethic. Man was the measure of all things and reason reigned. Socrates and Aristotle had forgiving views of human morality; immorality was the result of ignorance or imbalance rather than a desire to defy God or consort with Satan. Therefore, the individual didn’t have to be afraid of himself. One was allowed to think, to reason, to consult different sources such as the Oracle, the mind, or the world around to gain knowledge. Each individual was believed to have a specific fate that was his/hers and his/hers alone. The deities were highly individualized and personal. This most democratic, in the literal sense of the word, society allowed and indeed expected each citizen to be fully aware and involved in politics, ostracized when they were not at court to give opinion rather than for dissenting ones.
Gnostic Christianity was also intensely individualistic. Gnosticism, meaning to know, held that to know oneself was to know God and vise versa. They took the Biblical phrase “The Kingdom of God is within you,” to a much more literal extent than did so called “orthodox” Christianity. Christianity is a highly individualistic religion, the focus is on the individual soul’s achievement rather than the group one belongs to, and the doctrine of repentance shows the individual’s ability to change and progress in spite of past mistakes.
Orthodox Christianity did not embrace individualism to this extent, at least not at first. The western doctrine of original sin (this does not exist in the Eastern orthodox religions today, but Catholics and most Protestants in the west still hold to it) claims that we are all guilty for Adam and Eve’s sin in the garden. This doctrine arguably negates individuality, because it means one can be held responsible for another’s actions-and what is individual if not the actions, thoughts, and words of one person as opposed to another? (One may say that all Christianity, if following this logic, negates individuality. This however depends largely on how the atonement actually works in one theology vs. another.) While salvation is an individual process, orthodoxy (which means narrow way) held that all individuals had to do the same individual things-and conformity, no matter how small the group or the similarity, is necessarily the opposite of individualism.
The Romance of Tristan and Isolde, who are conspicuously absolved of sin by any picky readers through the drinking of a love potion, widened the road for individuals a bit. Romantic love is an individual thing-it is the defining, individual characteristics of the lovers that draw them to each other.
Parzival, then, takes this to the next level. Parzival can only save the fisher king by asking him what is wrong, which is frowned upon by society. Each knight must take their own path. Parzival’s “heathen” brother representing nature is brought into the fold. The grail king can only find relief when looking into his soul. The story is replete with individualism.

Femininity Throughout The Ages

Egyptian culture seemed to have a healthy respect for the feminine principle. Isis was one of the most revered deities, and also had an influence on later cultures. Several pharaohs were woman, and queens such as Nefertiti have been sufficiently revered that their names and images are with us today. Women appear as more than just slave girls in Egyptian art. Some woman even portrayed themselves with (and wore false) facial hair, which was not to deny their femininity, but rather to symbolize wisdom.
Socially, Minoan women had the same status as men, and ate with men. Many sculptures from Minoan sites portray fierce and beautiful goddesses that were fertile and strong.
Greek culture seemed to have contradictory ideas about women. Socially, women were treated as second class, with few exceptions like Asphasia and Sappho. (It should be noted however that Sappho was from Lesbos, a Greek Island that had slightly more progressive views.) Yet when one reads Greek literature, strong women abound. Lysistrata, Clytemnestra, Antigone, Medea-whatever one may think of their actions, these characters are certainly powerful. And what of the goddesses? A veritable pantheon of women. Yet one notes an interesting pattern. Excluding Persephone, the women fall into three categories: Mother (Demeter and Hestia), Sexual (Hera and Aphrodite), and Virginal (Athena and Artemis). This almost anticipates the “Madonna-Whore” Complex. We have goddesses of the hearth and earth who are necessary, kind, but have few of their own stories. Demeter’s story shows her as the ultimate good mother, who is so distraught at the loss of a child, the whole world is plunged into winter. Hera and Aphrodite use sex to get what they want, and Artemis and Athena are sometimes androgynous.
Judaism, which also has many noble female characters and even had relative protection of women’s rights when it came to divorce, failed to bring these stories to their full feminine power. There are elusive references to prophetesses in the Bible; the story of Esther is one of heroism. The flaw in Judaism is not that they completely ignored the feminine, but just that in most communities it was played down as secondary to the masculine.
Gnostic Christianity had an incredibly progressive view of gender equality. Jesus’ disciples preached that God is “no respecter of persons”, but rather sees all humanity regardless of sex, ethnicity, etc. as equal. In the Gospels of Thomas and Mary Magdalene, which Gnostics adhered to, Jesus advocated a balance of masculine and feminine power and even showed a special admiration for Mary Magdalene.
These gospels have been (and still are) rejected by mainstream Christianity. The codifying of “official” Christian scripture instead favored other writings, such as Paul’s ambiguous writings about marriage. The relationship between Jesus and Mary Magdalene has been played down, denied, or scandalized by many people depending on their motives and respect for Christianity in general. One Christian writer, namely this one, thinks that the denial of this relationship is unnecessary, and that whatever the extent of this friendship (or more) it is largely irrelevant to the basic theology of Christianity.
As early medieval priests in the mainstream decided to remain celibate, the role of woman again became relegated to one of sex: women are a vehicle of childbirth or of sexual pleasure, and this pleasure was deemed carnal and evil. This was supported by the two basic female archetypes that existed in early medieval Europe: Ma Donna Mary, or Eve, portrayed as a sinner and a whore. It became accepted that the “Forbidden Fruit” Eve and Adam tasted was actually sex, and that because Eve “tasted” it first, she seduced Adam beyond his ability to resist. The account in Genesis merely states that the fruit was knowledge, which may be sexual or not. This view further simplifies women as only having to do with sex, makes villainy of sex, and over simplifies characters in a book that is incredibly complex.
In the High Middle Ages, this began to shift in other realms, though the church still tried to keep a short leash on things. Eleanor of Aquitaine provided a strong female role model and supported old Celtic stories that celebrated “natural” impulses like sex and curiosity and fused them with Christian ideals of service, mercy, and sanctity. The cult of the virgin arose, honoring Mary not just in the simplified role as mother of God, but also as a strong woman who agreed to an enormous task that included supporting her son’s controversial doctrine and watching him be martyred under the brutal Roman system of capital punishment. This holistic synthesis paved the way for women’s rights up to the present, not only in the sense of community respect, but self-respect.

Christmas: Santa, Presents, Magic and Miracles.

When I was little I asked Santa for a star. Santa, in his wisdom, said he would place one above the house for me. And there it was, Christmas night, in the Northeast.
Two or three years later, we were moving and I was sad for my star. We would be leaving it.
One night, in my new house I looked to the sky. In the Northwest, there was a star. My star. I thought I imagined it. But after several nights, it was still there. And it is right up there in the winter, every winter.
I know it's mine. I just know.
So that's why I believe in Santa Claus.
Merry Christmas.

Eleanor of Aquitaine

Eleanor of Aquitaine held the titles of duchess of Aquitaine, queen of France, and queen of England. She was known for her beauty and intelligence, influencing our ideas about romantic love and relationships to the present day.
Eleanor was the oldest daughter of Duke Guillame X Duke of Aquitaine and his wife Anor. She had one younger sister, Petronilla, and one younger brother, Agret. Aquitaine was the epicenter of European culture, and Eleanor had rare access to education. She was an engaged and intelligent student. Her mother, younger brother, and father all died when she was young, and at the age of fifteen she inherited Aquitaine, land area that was larger than the official land of the king of France. At this time she also married Prince Louis Capet of France. Shortly afterwards his father King Louis “The Fat” died from food poisoning and the teenagers became monarchs.
Louis had been prepared for a career in the Church, but became the heir to the throne when his older brother died. Meek and pious, he was an odd match for the lively and inquisitive Eleanor.
In 1141, at age 19, Eleanor offered one thousand vassals in support of the Second Crusade, led by her religious husband. She also insisted on accompanying Louis with some 300 women. Eleanor intended for her women to be nursemaids, caring for the sick and wounded. It seems Eleanor was supporting her husband, but the legends surrounding her women suggest she may have had more ironic intentions in mind. The women allegedly dressed in the fashion of the Amazons, the legendary army of women. They rode white horses and carried arms (which they did not use) and attempted to rally troops. It is interesting to note that it was after this crusade the church barred women from accompanying the crusaders in any capacity, something Louis supported. One wonders about the intentions of Eleanor’s crusade-perhaps she was staking a claim for dominance in the relationship. Perhaps she found a way to reintegrate classical, “pagan” ideas and wanted to spread them. Perhaps she meant to represent nurture, as a protest to violence. Whatever her motives, the crusades became the turning point for the royal couple’s relationship.
In Antioch, Eleanor deepened her friendship with her uncle Raymond, who was young and charismatic. They were so close that rumors spread of an affair. Raymond had more military prowess than Louis, and suggested that the Christians focus on protecting their existing presence in the Middle East, but Louis insisted on conquering Jerusalem. Louis’ plan required more time and resources, and was likely to be more violent. Eleanor advocated Raymond’s plan, and (jealous?) indignant Louis insisted she come with him to Israel. It was at this time that the young queen showed public disdain for Louis. Their marriage was illegal, she claimed, unrecognized by God, and therefore should be annulled. While many wondered if Eleanor had had sex with her uncle, she began protesting her marriage on the grounds that it was incestuous. She and Louis were relatives, as many nobles were, and their relationship was close enough to fall under the umbrella of consanguinity in the powerful eyes of the church.
Louis forcibly took Eleanor further on his crusade, which was, as Raymond had predicted, a disaster. The couple pleaded with the Pope for a divorce, but it was denied. He instead recommended they live as any other husband and wife, and the couple had two daughters. In spite of the children and other appearances of unity, both parties knew that the relationship was dissolved. Finally, in 1152, the marriage was annulled.
Thirty year old Eleanor would then marry someone much younger than herself-Henry of Anjou, who became Henry II, King of England. Once again, Eleanor found herself a queen. While Henry and Eleanor never divorced, and their marriage resulted in a large brood of eight children to her first marriages two, their relationship was equally tempestuous, if not more so. Rumors may have risen about Eleanor and Louis, but Henry was openly unfaithful to Eleanor. He even seduced one of his future daughters in law.
In 1169, Henry and Eleanor agreed that Eleanor should focus on managing the duchy at Aquitaine. Eleanor cooperated with Henry in the interest of their children, but remained largely independent in her views and responsibilities. She celebrated the glory of Aquitaine, working to keep it relatively sovereign. Eleanor once again established Aquitaine as a cultural center. Her oldest daughter Marie, now a countess, joined her to sponsor artists and intellectuals such as Chrétien De Troyes, who some believe was in love with Marie. Marie also wrote the famous “Code of Love” which included many feminist ideals not generally practiced at the time. Eleanor sponsored a corresponding “Court of Love” where she and other women would arbitrate romantic disputes. Their rulings influenced art and poetry, popularizing and legitimizing romantic and erotic love. The women at Aquitaine influenced these ideas in such a way that many of our current ideas about love and sex to this day; ideas like the importance of loyalty, the relation of intimacy to sex, etc.
In 1173, Eleanor’s sons revolted against their father. She supported them, and Henry imprisoned her in London for 16 years. She was released at his death. Eleanor spent her final years in Aquitaine playing matchmaker for her children and grandchildren. She had been wife to two kings, mother of two kings, and influenced art until the present day. She had traveled widely for her time. She was a model for feminine power and independence, and still is. Eleanor’s fighting spirit kept her busy and active until her death in 1204. She was eighty-two years old.











http://www.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~nwa/aquit.html

God’s Chosen: The Jewish Character

God’s Chosen: The Jewish Character

We live in a world that worships the new. How is it that such a world would still manage to contain adherents to ancient traditions and beliefs? Beliefs that label some foods as unclean, separate men and women, and declare one group as chosen by a very concerned, emotional god? Judaism has influenced law, history, the idea of family, and even other religions and theology for over five-thousand years. Amazingly, the flame shows no signs of dying out, particularly in the United States, where more Jews reside than anywhere else in the world (“Judaism”, MSN Encarta). This is due to the Jew’s strong sense of identity: as a religion, as a race, and as God’s chosen people.

Judaism, like the rest of Western Civilization, actually began in the Middle East. Abraham, the great patriarch of Judaism, was born in Ur of the Chaldees, or modern day Tall al Muqayyar, Iraq (“Ur”, MSN Encarta). Abraham (also known as Abram, or, in Muslim tradition, Ibrahim) eventually left Ur with his family and eventually made his way to modern-day Israel, where he lived as a nomad. He also spent time in Egypt (“Abraham”, MSN Encarta). According to the Bible, a god named YHWH (called Yahweh, or Latinized as Jehovah) promised to “give unto [Abraham], and to [his children], the land wherein thou art a stranger, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession;” and that through his descendants YHWH would “make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee” (Genesis 17:6-11). In return, Abraham and his children would worship YHWH, recognizing him as the one true god. As a sign of this promise, or covenant, all males who entered into it would be circumcised. This is arguably the single most important event in the development of the Jewish identity. All Jews are accepted as descendants of Abraham, and therefore have the privileges and responsibilities this dialogue implies. This shows the Jewish relationship with deity, a special, familial relationship others do not have.

Jews also believe that YHWH continued to reveal his will and laws to the leaders of the church, prophets. This adds to the special relationship they have with deity. In church services, two and one half of three hours consist of readings and prayers directly from the scriptures, particularly the Torah, or Revealed Instruction. Whilst reading from the scrolls, the spiritual leader or rabbi covers his head with a prayer shawl. The scrolls are wrapped in beautiful blue cloth, and worshippers touch the Torah as the rabbi brings it around. They also kiss their personal copies of Torah before replacing them on the shelf. These scriptures and rabbinical writings are the precious relics of Judaism. Nevertheless, is it hard for Jews to live with 500 centuries of laws in a culture that emphasizes a large dose of rebellion? As one young orthodox Jew told me, it can be. Jeff Richens says particularly in adolescence, it was hard for him to “keep kosher”, or follow the dietary guidelines found throughout Mosaic Law (Richens). “Everyone is searching for themselves, for individuality. You kind of just want to do whatever the hell you want.” Once again, the identity as the chosen people helped him stay true. “I just tell myself this is what I’m supposed to do. I hold myself to a higher standard.”

This blend of piety and confidence differentiates the Jewish character. At the church service I attended, the rabbi seemed to be training his son. This boy, only nine or ten years old, was heard praying with fervor. He was enthusiastic, something rare in generally apathetic or nervous pre-teens. He was not garish or inappropriate either. Richens assures that Jews are not superior to other people, but have entered into a covenant and therefore have an “incentive” to be better people.

This leads to a question in the history of Judaism-if Jews are the chosen people of God, why have they suffered so much persecution and hate, even to the point of genocide? Richens says succinctly, “Jews are treated like shit.” He cites current examples in pop culture. However, perhaps because Yahweh has agreed to pay special concern to the Jews, he tests them more, like an exacting professor. Richens seems to think this is the case. It is simply part of the higher standard believers hold themselves to.

One struggle the Judaists have had is the struggle for a geographic place of reckoning. Because the Jews are also the race descended from Abraham, it is possible to be a Jewish Christian or a Japanese Jew. Zionism is a philosophy held by those who believe that Jews and Hebrews should reclaim Israel/Palestine as their national homeland. The Jewish languages of Hebrew and Yiddish would be spoken, and even Jews who do not practice Judaism would be able to have a living heritage. In fact, it was (and is) mostly “secularized” Jews who advocate Zionism. At the synagogue I attended, a special prayer was said for Israel, including an invocation to stop those who fight against her. While Genesis seems to explicitly state that Yahweh intends for the Abram’s seed to have Israel, who that is and under what circumstances are hotly debated. Muslims also claim to be the children of Abraham (though through a different line), Jesus Christ was a Jew, and Christians could reasonably lay religious claim to it as well. One could also ask whether if Yahweh meant only one particular line of Abraham’s descendants, or even if he meant for these groups to be the only groups in the area.. Of course then we would have to decide whether to speak the Hebrew of the Torah, Arabic of the Koran, or Greek of the New Testament. As overwhelming as this is for an objective gentile to figure out, it is easy to see why Jews would have such strong feelings and confusion. Many Jews sit on both sides of the fence. Richens, for one, seems to think there are more important things to worry about. He compares the groups to kids who find it “hard to share”.

These struggles will, however, eventually be ended with the coming of a Savior. Some even believe that by being faithful and righteous enough, they can bring this salvation sooner. This gives the disciple of Judaism an even greater diligence and motivation in worship. It is with this hope that Jews can weather their many struggles and stay so strong.

In studying the Jewish religion and its struggles, when set against the sweetness of its people, one is easily able to see why they need a Messiah. A belief system that embraces piety and confidence, community and individuality, faith and education, hope and long suffering, Judaism’s doctrine and people impressed me greatly. In the Jewish character, we find one so great, who has suffered so much. If Jewish thought and creativity had not been suppressed, as it so often has throughout history, who knows what new developments we would have had. Perhaps when their Messiah comes, they will receive their vindication.

"Judaism”, Microsoft® Encarta® Online Encyclopedia 2008
http://encarta.msn.com © 1997-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

"Ur”, Microsoft® Encarta® Online Encyclopedia 2008
http://encarta.msn.com © 1997-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

"Abraham”, Microsoft® Encarta® Online Encyclopedia 2008
http://encarta.msn.com © 1997-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

Holy Bible: King James Version. Pennsylvania: The National Bible Press, 1958.

Richens, Jeffrey. Personal interview. 11 Nov. 2008.

Where I Am In Hell

Purgatory

---

You have escaped damnation and made it to Purgatory, a place where the dew of repentance washes off the stain of sin and girds the spirit with humility. Through contrition, confession, and satisfaction by works of righteousness, you must make your way up the mountain. As the sins are cleansed from your soul, you will be illuminated by the Sun of Divine Grace, and you will join other souls, smiling and happy, upon the summit of this mountain. Before long you will know the joys of Paradise as you ascend to the ethereal realm of Heaven.

I Love Victoria's Secret

I love Victoria's Secret. I love that everything is pretty and feminine. But most of all I love the hair and make-up. Somehow, some day, I will have lingerie model hair every day.
Here's the video that will tell me how.

Discover Your Passions

CREATIVE

You have a gift for expression. Whether it's writing, drawing, creating objets d'art or making music, you see the world in a unique way and are able to convey that to other people. No doubt you doodle on napkins and meeting notes, are always humming a new tune, have already read the latest fiction releases, and know all the local art galleries' schedules by heart. You might like hobbies like sketching, photography, sculpting, playing an instrument, singing, journaling, scrap-booking or designing clothing.

Take the Quiz!

Political Spin-Just In Time For The Election

Unknown author. (28 May 2008) The Onion. “Obama Practices Looking-Off-Into-Future Pose.” Retrieved 2 July 2008 from http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obama_practices_looking_off_into

This website is a mock news source that provides heavy political satire. This article claims that even Barack Obama’s facial expressions are painstakingly calculated to gain votes. While this is doubtful, the article does bring up questions of political identity as well as gently mocking the intense scrutiny candidates are subject to. I would cite this article in an essay analyzing how spin and commentary affect the election, specifically the credibility of the candidates.

Martin, Roland S. (25 June 2008) CNN. “Commentary: Obama helps himself and McCain, too.” Retrieved 2 July 2008 from http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/06/25/roland.martin/index.html

This is the website of the news network CNN. CNN claims to be America’s most trusted new source, and many of its reporters and writers are highly respected. In this commentary, Roland S. Martin speaks of how Obama’s decision to opt out of public financing helps McCain, yet will likely also help Obama’s campaign in the long run. I would use this article to examine how the candidates spin each others decisions versus the validity of the decision itself.

Newton-Small, Jay. (2 July 2008) Time. “Is McCain's War Record Sacrosanct?” Retrieved 2 July 2008 from http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1819719,00.html

This is the website of Time Magazine, which is a widely read news magazine. This article discusses the validity of attacking McCain’s war record as well as the validity of assuming such a record will make him a better president. I would use this article to discuss how the media is also subject to political manipulation, as well as contrast it with the satirical article on Obama to discuss where the line between respectful criticism and disrespectful mocking is in this, or any, election. Is nothing or everything sacrosanct? How do we know?

Visual Rhetorical Analysis

The website for Wells Fargo Bank (http://www.wellsfargo.com) appeals to current and potential customers-upper middle class families. It is a standard hypertext structure that makes it easy to find what one is looking for, as one can access information from many different points on the page.

The site has a lot of text, mostly about the services the bank offers, under various headings such as Banking, Loans, and Investing. There is also some drop-down menus and textual ads that have icons next to them. There is a separate section for those who already have accounts, with logos around the text, and a banner ad for the bank sits at the top of the page.

The website uses images of prosperity to create the feeling that they are a sound financial institution. The banner ad shows an upper middle class father and daughter. The daughter, probably about six, is relaxing on a white couch. She even appears to be coloring on some paper. My first thought is that the father must have a enough money to clean that couch often if he let’s his six-year-old draw on it. The father is working on finances, as implied by the text, but he seems relaxed-he’s barefoot. His clothes are “business casual” and his laptop is very shiny. There is also a photographed image that is a relatively elaborate representation of the banks usual carriage outline logo. The carriage is shiny red and yellow-it certainly has not come cross country, despite its appearance in a barren stretch of desert-and is being drawn by six horses. This once again represents prosperity, and it also alludes to the old romantic history of the West as a land of gold. It also lends some historical heft to the company. They are saying “We’ve been around forever. You can trust us.”

The web page uses visual design principles well. The topics are well organized; one can easily find what one is looking for. The organization is consistent; there are no random words or images. The images are clean, non-distracting, and minimal. However there are enough images that the site does not seem sterile or unapproachable. A frequent user of the site appreciates the division of topics. Advertisements and general information are grouped together for those who may be thinking about opening an account, while those who already have one are able to bypass the already known information to access their accounts. Someone who does not have an account yet does not immediately feel excluded from using the site.

This is very important as one may have occasion to visit this site whether they have accounts with Wells Fargo or not. One may use it to check the status of an account, open an account, or check average interest rates for such things as mortgages.

The site manages to accomplish its purpose; that is, it both informs potential users of available products and makes it easy for current customers who may visit it.

Book Review!

Art of Darkness: Street Acting by Undercover Operators, Con Men, and Others by Sara K Schneider

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
I was lucky enough to receive this book as an early reviewer, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It is dramatically entertaining, but also raises questions about the nature of identity-can it really be separate from what we say and do? It also has whetted my appetite for biography, particularly of the master con artists and undercover workers Schneider quotes throughout the book.


View all my reviews.

Toby

It is five-thirty in the morning and I am watching my dog, Toby, try to stay awake. He will not be successful. The only reason he is awake is out of loyalty to me. It is the same reason he was struggling to stay awake at twelve-thirty this morning. No matter how quiet I try to be or no matter how many times I tell him to go to bed, Toby keeps the same odd hours I do.

Toby is an elderly pug I received from my brother. Stephen lived with me for a while last summer and when he moved out, Toby stayed. The Pug Dog Club of America gives the following information about pugs:

The Pug is of Chinese origin and dates back to the pre-Christian era. They were prized possessions of the Emperors of China and lived in a most luxurious atmosphere and at times were even guarded by soldiers. Records show that three types of short nosed dogs were bred by the Chinese. They were the Lion dog, the Pekingese and the Lo-sze. The Lo-sze or “Foo Dog” was the ancient Pug.

Toby seems to have inherited his ancestors’ taste for luxury. While a playful enough puppy, his favorite activities include luxuriating on pillows and sunbathing. Two floor pillows and one bean bag chair have been taken for the cause, and it is nearly impossible to get to come inside during the summer. Toby, unlike some who may descendents of royal dogs, does not demand to be the center of attention. He is fine being a little left of center. For example, he is fine with me writing this paper because I reach down to pet him occasionally. He doesn’t need constant attention. However, when I become a little too focused on my Spanish homework, he will decide to take a nap on the textbook and papers. He also refuses to sleep without his plush dog that squeaks. She is jokingly named Girlfriend. When forced to sleep without her, he will whine and cry until she is with him.

A Pug’s character is unique in that he is a clown at heart with a terrific sense of humor but at the same time he carries himself with great dignity. They are not too delicate for fun and games. A pug is anxious to please, anxious to learn and anxious to love. His biggest requirement is that you love him back.

The preceding description by The Pug Dog Club of America is very apt. While Toby, who is solid black except for a white patch on his chest and white toes, seems to think of himself as a rather distinguished older gentleman, he will sometimes show the enthusiasm of a puppy. Toby’s eyebrows, eyelashes, and chin are turning white and he is nearly eleven, yet if one asks him where Girlfriend is, he will disappear and return in a flash with the toy. He especially enjoys playing with her after dinner, when he will growl at her, shake her around, and then settle into a long session of licking her face off.

As Toby has gotten older, he has become more possessive of “his” things. He fancies himself quite the guard dog. Despite his age, lack of any respectable teeth to speak of, and general tininess, he will chase golden retrievers off of the property. He is quite pleased with himself afterwards, kicking the grass fiercely with his back legs. (He also does this whenever he finds ground loose enough to make dust clouds.) He does bark at strangers and seems suspicious of males in particular. However, once he has determined someone as a friend he will sound a series of whines and barks as if engaging in conversation. He will then be quite offended if they don’t offer him a belly-rub or back massage. He is also quite possessive of me, and becomes jealous of my little nephews.

Many pugs have problems with jealousy and separation anxiety. Toby is no exception and I believe these problems may have been exacerbated by my brother’s divorce. As far as Toby knows my brother’s ex-wife and “his” human disappeared one day and was never heard from again. (Actually this is alarmingly close to the truth, but I digress.) Toby becomes jealous of other dogs and toddlers (not infants for some reason) and is anxious to see me when I come home. He also waits outside the bathroom door when I shower.

The funny thing about Toby is that his likes and dislikes are just as strong as any person’s. He prefers my mother’s bed to nap on, my father’s chair to sit on, and no toy is nearly as beloved as Girlfriend. And then there’s his favorite sleeping position: paws near my shoulders, chin on my forehead. When he can get me to sleep, that is.

Quotes from Pug Dog Club of America

http://www.pugs.org

Obtained on June 11, 2008

Hmmm....

Khrystine took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Wants to make a favorable impression and be reward..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

My brother Stephen showed me this. It's accurate I think. It's stuff I don't want to admit...

A Commentary (Written In June)

It has become essentially irrefutable that the United States government, including the president, has authorized the use of torture. It has also become clear that the government tried to keep this secret. According to Joseph Galloway, four years ago the Pentagon told Major General Anthony Taguba to investigate inhumane treatment of detainees. However, he was not allowed to investigate any military or civilian official who outranked him. Yet Taguba has since said, “The commander in chief and those under him authorized a systematic regime of torture.” President Bush, as quoted by Major David J.R. Frakt, has said that the Geneva Conventions do not apply this time-that these detainees “are not legally entitled to such treatment”, that these methods are part of “military necessity” and will save lives. Perhaps one could believe this, if it were not for the innocent people, including a suicidal teenager, who have been tortured. In the case of said teenager, no interrogation ever took place. This goes against the Constitution-i.e. what constitutes-the United States. Not only is it hypocritical to set aside the Constitution when at war, it is completely irrational. The only part of the president’s job description that is not in the Constitution is to uphold the Constitution. Otherwise, the president could simply invade a country, throw out the Constitution, dissolve Congress, and declare himself dictator for life; making and breaking his own arbitrary laws. Our government should believe in its Constitution enough to set the same standards of liberty for all humanity, not just those “legally entitled”. If they throw it out for those abroad, they will surely throw it out at home. Without basic rights such as presumed innocence and habeas corpus, don’t be surprised if criminals aren’t the only ones who suffer. Under the misleading name “enhanced interrogation”, don’t be surprised if it becomes standard police procedure. We should think about that before we decide that it doesn’t affect us.

Thursdays Rock

I love TV.
I know TV is supposed to be guilty pleasure if one admits liking it all, but guess what I do.
Especially the CW Thursday night. My friends tease me (good-naturedly I hope) about how much I love the shows Supernatural and Smallville. Well now I m going to explain why I love Supernatural, especially the current season, which started last week.

1. Jensen Ackles is really hot. See the above picture. (I don't know who took this, but I assure them I respect their copyright.You know, as if their reading this.) -Sigh.- But more than that, his character Dean Winchester is a bad boy, but he's bad because he has to be to do what's right. So he's a righteous bad boy. This is my favorite kind of boy. This is the boy who answers to a higher ideal than other people. So I am very in love with his character, as opposed to just lust, which describe my feelings for the actor. So there's my superficial, junior-high groupie reason for loving this show.
2. I, strange as this may sound, relate to various aspects of the show. Philosophically. I first watched it thinking hey, this is sort of like the priesthood. That might sound weak, but I pick up philosophical (?) patterns in the world like that guy in A Beautiful Mind picks up mathematical ones.
3. I especially love this season. I'm going to discuss in detail the first two episodes now, so cover your eyes if you don't want to know.
This season seems to be explicitly Christian. I find this cool for couple reasons, the first being that I'm Christian. If you don't know me maybe this seems kind of bigoted, or maybe it does even if you do know me. But I think it's good for me, as a Christian, to have a show like this that isn't really cheesy. And I relate far better to these guys doing the best they can and hoping they're not damning themselves along the way than someone who volunteers and then gets the warm fuzzies from it.
So this season Dean got pulled out of Hell by an angel, heretofore not realizing they existed. (But if you have demons it only makes sense that you have angels.) This angel then tells Dean that he needs to work for God to fight Lucifer. I of course imagined they were doing this all along, but that these two beings exist also blows Dean's mind. Then, if the mention of angels and Lucifer hadn't convinced you, the angel and Bobby (another demon hunter) mention specific things from Revelations. So here's another reason I think this is cool-it's bold to be so explicitly Christian, especially on a show like this, prime time, on the most coveted night of the TV week.
I mean this is not Sunday afternoon nor friendly non-denominational angels whose only real religious standpoint is God loves you (cough, Touched By An Angel, cough). While it seems weird to describe an angel in these terms, even a fictional one, Supernatural's angel kicks ass. There is just no other accurate term. When we meet him for the first time he walks right into a knife and keeps on going. It's pretty cool. I mean he's sent from God right? So a knife wouldn't freak him out. But he's also compassionate, asking Dean why he doesn't think he deserves to be saved. It's awesome. It's not dumbed down, and it's definitely not a kids show. It's not what I would immediately call uplifting, but it kind of does make me want to be a beacon of truth, fight bad guys like Satan and Oppression and Really Stupid Governments. (You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.)
My religion doesn't completely agree with every idea on the show (though it doesn't explicitly disagree with much either). But one of my humanities professors is always talking about how much the US misses out on not having many basic heroic stories anymore, which is why if we even get a scent of one we milk it for all it's worth. (I think this is probably why we make so many super hero movies.) So most of all I'm excited to have a hero I can relate to-a righteous rebel fighting the bad guys in his own special way.

Family Ghosts

There was a man named Samuel Swift Merritt. Samuel was said to have powers. Nothing extreme, just party tricks, your run of the mill telekinesis. He could make “spoons dance and tables jump” (Kelsey, 2008). Samuel eventually left his family and joined a controversial new religion called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He forsook his abilities and came west. But Something followed him. One morning at a camp by the Snake River he arose stricken, pale, and looking many years older. Accounts say he looked as if he had seen death. It was beyond a bad night’s sleep. Indeed, his descendents say he was wrestling with evil spirits.

Samuel Merritt is my ancestor, and as far as my family can tell, the first person in our line to experience weird hauntings, strange abilities, and unexplained knowledge of some things. If hearing this, one wonders how this is possible; if maybe we’re just crazy; making it up, imagine being the one on the receiving end of this otherworldly birthright. In an attempt to understand myself, I will examine several stories in my family history and their individual significance. These stories have all been told by my mother, who received them orally from other members of my family.

The theory is that due to Samuel’s strong energetic power and many heirs that would seem to inherit this, evil spirits attempted to woo him away from being a religious man. At the least he would not receive all the salvation he could, at the most he might lend something to the cause of evil. It is also speculated that spirits lent some excess energy to Samuel, that being the reason he could perform his tricks. Herein lies the first rule of being whatever it is we are-just because you are able to do something doesn’t mean you should. One example is the last time I got my Tarot cards read. I know nothing about Tarot cards, but as my friend Jeff was doing them for some people and I was a little curious and a lot hyper, I agreed to have them read.

“Focus on a question,” Jeff instructed. I thought of a question-it was all too vague really, a general “what does my future look like” query. I don’t even remember the specific question though I remember the general idea. I put all the excess energy I had (which was a lot) into that question. Jeff turned over the cards. Love, pain, battle, victory. He told me the meanings skeptically.

“Maybe it didn’t work,” he frowned.

“Why do you think that?” I asked. I had other ideas.

“It’s just a weird reading. These two,” he covered the cards for love and battle, “are supposed to correlate and these two,” covering pain and victory, “go together, but they’re opposites. Did you actually ask a question?” I knew exactly why those cards were together, why they were in that sequence. It was confirming all the dreams (and nightmares) I had had my whole life, the almost memories that didn’t make sense. “Maybe love will sustain you through a battle, and then you’ll think you’ll lose or it’ll cause you pain but you’ll be victorious, or…” he trailed off. He was wondering if I was going to die for something, I think. I didn’t confirm or assuage his fears, I was thinking about a dream I had when I was ten. I was suddenly exhausted

“Do you think it works?” He nodded. “How?”

“I think you put your own energy into it. If you’re tired your readings aren’t as good.” I nodded. That was true I realized. No spirit was whispering in my ear what to ask. As far as I knew, Jeff was not a shaman. It certainly was not a religious experience. But I had spent a lot of energy, and while Jeff was not a shaman I might be something close.

I will never get my cards read again. I don’t want to abuse any power I might have, and I certainly don’t need spirits coming to play with me any more than they try to now. Just because you are able to do something doesn’t mean you should.

Samuel’s daughter Elizabeth married Caleb Bleazard and they had children. One of these children was my mother’s great-aunt Lydia. Lydia had discovered a popular parlor game called Ouija. The premise was you ask the game a question and using a magnifying glass like object you would mysteriously spell out the answer. The times I have actually heard people talk about this game, no one has bothered to explain why it works, or even more interestingly why there are some occasions it doesn’t work. Caleb, who likely had enough sensitivity to recognize danger when he saw it, forbade the use of it. In fact he demanded it be thrown out. Lydia didn’t listen, but hid it from him. After Caleb died, it became a regular fixture in the Bleazard household with Elizabeth and especially Lydia consulting it often. Lydia wouldn’t travel without it. It seems like a joke, this spinster living with her mother and addicted to a board game, but this was the case. Whatever one thinks about the Ouija, one must agree Lydia’s fascination with it was unhealthy. But, like all these stories, there is a deeper, weirder element and a lesson therein. Lydia’s cousin Hazel, my grandmother, was a fairly new bride (maybe five years into her marriage), who nonetheless already had half the children she would ever have. Lydia thought it would still be fun to ask Ouija how many children Hazel was to have. After all, the divination of the number and sex of future children is a common practice. (Brunvand, page 8) The Ouija responded 3 boys. Hazel had already had two girls and in fact would only ever have one boy. Hazel thought to herself that this was unlikely and somewhat stupid. Then the Ouija began to spell out the words “You’ll be sorry for that.” Seeing as Hazel had not actually said anything, this disturbed her a bit. Another interesting story is that the Ouija would not work in the presence of my grandfather Robert, who himself had had some experience in performing exorcisms and held the LDS priesthood. The infamous Ouija was destroyed in a house fire when Elizabeth’s own personal haunted mansion fell into disrepair. From an early age then, we were taught not to play with things we don’t understand.

I had managed to avoid such things as the Ouija until I was thirteen, when of course it made an appearance at a friend’s party. It was a present for the hostess given to her by one of her friends who honestly seemed a bit creepy to me, though I was much more judgmental then. The hostess herself was only mildly intrigued, but the giver had a hungry glint in her eye and demanded we try it immediately. I flat out refused, as did my best friend whose father had warned her of such things. This surprised the hostess and annoyed the gift giver.

“Why not?” Natalie, the hostess, asked.

“Sometimes it works-my question is how?” I replied.

“It might not,” said Margaret, the giver, who was obviously hoping it would.

“That thing can’t be good,” my friend Courtney stated emphatically.

“It’s a game-how dangerous could it be?” I raised an eyebrow, and Natalie admitted that she was sounding dangerously like she was offering us drugs. We offered to leave. The question was dropped, or so I thought, yet while Courtney and I were enjoying our mocktails, Margaret entered looking dark and dejected.

“You can relax,” she said. “It doesn’t work.” We looked at each other, annoyed. Yet I have since wondered if our combined resistance, topped with our lack of any real power in the situation with us being only thirteen, managed to protect the party from otherworldly influences of a negative type. Interestingly, there was a brief time that I suspected Natalie and I were on opposite sides of the moral fence. Her lack of respect for my knowledge may have influenced me. The giddy, nervous, experiments with witchcraft that some teenagers go through were always avoided by me. Now that I’m older, some associates try to do the same thing with drugs. One shouldn’t play with things one doesn’t understand. I also learned from this experience that I have more power than spirits do-my grandfather Robert is an example of this as well.

These things have incredible individual significance, and this shapes my social interactions and responses to everything. It is an undeniable part of who I am, and the only veracity I can offer is that I wouldn’t choose to be this if I could imagine any other possibility. Sometimes, when I am able to warn a friend I realize why I know things before they happen, why I see things that I shouldn’t, why I have a deeper understanding of so many things and I am grateful. Other times, when I have dreamt of spirits all night, when they put nightmares in my head, when I arrive at school looking like I’m hung-over when in reality I’ve been casting out demons in my dreams all night, I hate it. And of course there’s the telling people, when I do. Isn’t it so unbelievable? Why would it exist? Why should it be my family? Is it all Samuel’s fault?

A friend called the other day. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing. Same old, same old.” As one friend put it, nothing, because “what else can I say to you?” (Anonymous Source, 2008.)

I don’t tell people because they can’t always know it’s true. If it’s just me telling a story, what someone else said, if they play with the idea it’s truer than if I swear it happened, if I write a personal statement. For my own sanity, at least as preserved in the minds of other people, when they ask me what’s wrong I’ll continue to say “It was nothing.” They can think what they want; while I know it’s like my mother Rosalie said in one account-“There was Nothing there. But you know what? There was something there.”

Works Cited

Kelsey, Rosalie. Personal Interview. 28, July 2008.

Brunvand, Jan Harold. The Study of American Folklore. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 1998.

Anonymous. Personal Interview. 25 July 2008.

2 Poems

Part A

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."
— Ernest Hemingway

In “His Father, Singing” by Leslie Norris, the speaker describes the tone in which and reasons that his/her father sang. The father does not sing happily or contentedly, but achingly and in anguish. The speaker tells of one specific incident in which the father comforts his son by singing to him. As his singing breaks into “pain and anger”, the speaker takes notice. So much important art is born out of pain, anxiety, and social unrest. It is these wounds we most want to explore. We want to see if they look like our own. I think there is a secret vulnerable part of all of us. Our quest for intimacy and the popularity of sad stories is our desperate need to show someone. The father in this poem, while usually singing quietly in the garden, reaches a point where for whatever reason he shows his wounds. Perhaps he relates to the child crying, perhaps he knows that the baby will not remember or repeat his song, perhaps he just can’t hold it in anymore. Either way, the speaker hears it and instinctively knows that “someone should be listening.”

Hemingway’s quote is apt-all good poetry, even the happy kind, seem to come straight from the writer’s heart, body and soul, to be their blood. A good poem pumps through are veins, drives our movement, becomes a vital part of us. Even the most ecstatic poetry should wrench one’s heart. The best poetry, like the father’s song, does not just tug on the heartstrings; it jerks them out of place. And someone should be listening.

Part B

Voice is everything in Jane Kenyon’s “Briefly It Enters, And Briefly Speaks”. In fact, rather than saying it has a speaker, I would almost just say it is a voice-after all, it seems to be an abstract idea that is speaking. The voice is intimate, particularly in the last stanza. It is first person, which always makes the reader feel as if the speaker is talking to him/her specifically. This contrasts with the actual diction of the poem; words which are speaking of a kind of universality between humanity.

It is the contrast between this intimate voice and wide range of subjects that create the magic of the poem. This is done most effectively by using first person. If the one line second stanza was changed to “It is the maker, the lover, and the keeper. . . .” the intimate connection with humanity is lost and it remains simply an ideal. By presenting the speaker as It (humanity, hope, love), the reader really believes that there is that connection, that It exists.

The imagery in the stanza that reads “I am the heart contracted by joy. . .the longest hair, white before the rest. . . .” is compelling, again for it’s contrast. A heart contracting is a very dynamic, violent image. A hair that is white before the rest simply is, and there are no other verbs in the phrase. White is purity, white hair is age, and it paints a very serene picture. With the contrast between these two images, we know that the voice resides in the youthful ecstasy of joy and the serene peacefulness of age.